Everything up to my arrival in Switzerland was fun. Yes, Rachael and I were apart, but things were bearable for me - no, even great - as I was in the constant company of friends and family, touring the beautiful coast of Alaska, drinking beer, and the like. I even enjoyed the plane ride to Switzerland - what great anticipation I had for my exciting life in a beautiful country doing what I thought I loved most: math!
As I walked jauntily into my apartment for the very first time, the big smile on my face vanished almost immediately. Right upon opening the door, my mind rushed back to my real home (even though I'll never see it again), the Nob Hill apartment I shared with Rachael. I cried. I pined for Rachael. As I checked out the new apartment, I was upset at its apparently not being well cared for, which just made me miss the old apartment even more.
I missed it all. Hard. And I still very much miss it all, and will continue to for the rest of the year. Rachael, San Francisco, our cute apartment in a great neighborhood in a world-class city. But mostly just Rachael. From February 14 until August, I was the happiest I've ever been. Sure, my jobs weren't great, and I was excited to get back to math sooner rather than later. But in retrospect, I would take the life where everything is perfect except my job, over the life where my job is perfect and I'm apart from Rachael.
Over the last few days, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on things with Rachael. I didn't know it till I was gone, but things were perfect with Rachael before Switzerland. We slept in the same bed, we walked to work together down Clay, we often ate lunch together, we snuggled close to each other even when each of us was reading or surfing the internet, we traveled together (and we traveled well), we shared an interest in food. Neither of us was too happy with our job, but in hindsight, that now seems to be a small price to pay for so much else. Yes, things were as perfect as they'd ever been, for me and for Rachael.
Two days after my arrival in Switzerland, I can honestly say that I've spent over 80% of my waking hours thinking of Rachael, talking to Rachael, scheming about how I can be with Rachael. All this thinking has led to a new plan. Essentially, I'll be at EPFL this year. (By the way, my course load is not going to be easy - 6 math courses in the second semester!) By a year from now, I hope to have completed a significant portion of the work involved in my master's thesis, which will allow me to spend that third semester in the United States with Rachael. So, rather than 1.5 years apart, it's 1. And, truthfully, it's closer to 6 months apart, as Rachael will be moving out to Europe next spring, and we'll see each other over vacations and breaks. (Still, that's 6 months I now wish I were spending with her...)
Sure, I've only been really dwelling on my relationship with Rachael for two days. But for me, that's a serious amount of time to dwell. The "moral of the story" I've drawn from all my ruminating is that, when you start long-distance, each party will soon realize that the relationship will sink or swim. You'll only survive together if you both feel resolutely that the relationship will work out and that you're both willing to do the work. No doubt Rachael and I feel committed to growing in our relationship. We're both willing to spend odd hours on the phone, keeping this blog going, sending each other songs that remind us of one another, and re-mapping the next couple years of our lives so that we're together (which has proved to be more difficult than I thought it would be, by the way). We're doing the work.
And for the first time in my life, I'm happy to do the work. I'm finally happy to make sacrifices, because a lifetime of happiness is worth it.
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